A guide to #asp memes

Definition of meme

#asp can look like a totally screwed up place to anyone that has not been around more than a few weeks. It looks even worse if you have been around for a while, but that is what makes it fun. One of the things that really throw newbies off-balance is our rich history of meme usage. I decided that maybe it is time to write down some of these so it is easier to pass them around.

The #asp meme list (in no particular order):

1. FuW - “Fuck You Weekend.” This is simple, all it means is that once the weekend starts, people are less willing to take crap from newcomers that can’t understand that #asp is a free resource and nobody is forced to help them. FuW usually follows the US holidays calendar. FuW is declared when the op posts it in the channel topic (but it can be requested earlier).
2. Fast and Danger - This is a rip-off of Ill Mitch. Go to his site to figure out the proper usage.
3. I’m Rick James, bitch - Watch Chapelle’s show on Comedy Central to find out what this is about.
4. Fuck your couch! - This is part of the Rick James sketch on Chapelle’s show.
5. You are trying too hard - This is our way of telling you that the answer to your problem is so simple that you have to drop what you are doing, chill a little bit and try again.
6. Goos fava - From Anger Management, this is a mantra used to relax. If you got hit with goos fava then you are probably a bit too wound up about a problem.
7. I find your lack of faith disturbing - From Star Wars: A new hope. This is what Dart Vader tells one of his generals. This means you are not allowing us the proper benefit of the doubt when explaining a clever solution to your problem.
8. Llama - A clueless newbie.
9. Weeto - Infamous llama that was covered extensively here.
10. Vikas, Metasolver - Legendary llama. If you have experienced Vikas/Metasolver then you are probably an old timer.
11. Bad Op - This is an obscure reference to when Weeto got kicked out of the chatroom and sent a friend to beg to get the ban lifted.
12. My tourette’s is about to act up - The op is warning you that a curse storm is about to happen.
13. Read and weep + URL - This is a weak attempt at plugging a personal site. Sometimes the URL is legit, but most of the times it is just the op *cough* getting on his soap box about whatever.
14. Strategery meeting - A staff meeting that will probably be a waste of time for a programmer to be present.
15. It never ends, your bullshit - From the 5th season of HBO’s The Sopranos.
16. I’ll suck y’alls cocks - Also from the 5th season of The Sopranos. It means you are desperate for help.
17. Magic wand - A mythical custom server control that can do ANYTHING. It is so powerful that it generates its own help file if you use magicwand.generatedocs, etc.
18. ChiliASP - Something that doesn’t work. Trust us.
19. Superior Op - Weeto’s begging friend wanted to talk to an op that rated higher than myself, to try to overturn Weeto’s ban. [Thanks to carlsb3rg]
20. Take over this channel legally - “I don’t like you as ops and am going to -0wnz0rz your chat room”
21. He said [insert something here] - Diversionary tactic. The most common is “heh, he said tool.” [Thanks to dev_null]
22. True/False - Another diversionary tactic. “This chat room is false.” Or “you sir are false, and your head is small.”
23. I must go home, masturbate and rethink, bitchass - “I need to think about this a little longer.”
24. 920 rupees - About $20 USD. When alec_eso and myself bought our licenses to iBlog, we thought it was hilarious that our credit cards were charged in rupees instead of dollars, since Lifli is based in India. The figure is used in the same fashion as Dr. Evil’s 100 billion dollars.
25. My friend - The nigerian scammer greeting. [Thanks to dev_null]
26. Time is not on our side - Please hurry up so I can rip you off. “Hello my friend, time is not on our side. Please send the before discussed 920 rupees …” [Thanks to dev_null]
27. I am not wearing any nickers - Trademark greeting from Ramsey.
28. I thought you said you needed a new pooper! - Another of Ramsey’s trademarked greetings.
29. A bad childhood - The standard excuse for llamas whenever mistreated by an op or a regular. “Why are you such an asshole? You had a bad childhood?”
30. Bacongo - Bacongo was covered extensively here. [Thanks to carlsb3rg]
31. LOL 10X M8?!?!?!?! - A giggling llama trying to kiss ass so we help. That bunch of garbage actually means “LOL thanks mate!”. [Thanks to carlsb3rg]
32. #asp means “anal.sex.partners” or “anal.sex.pleasure” - This is the standard answer for whenever a llama asks if he arrived at the *right* #asp chatroom. [Thanks to dev_null]
33. @HALP - Imaginary bot command used to weed out people that think #asp stands for “alt.sex.passwords”
34. Darkness - From the Rick James sketch on the Chapelle show. The Darkness brothers are Eddie and Charlie Murphy, who (according to Rick James) were the blackest people in Hollywood until Wesley Snipes arrived to the scene. [Thanks to alec_eso]
35. I just hang mine over the towel rod - Another of Ramsey’s trademarked phrases. Ask him at your own risk. [Thanks to alec_eso]
36. Suck my balls - Leave me the hell alone/what you have to say is irrelevant. One of Eric Cartman’s most memorable lines from South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut.
37. Are you stupid? - This is tricky. The op is asking you *if* you are stupid. Problem is people with poor English skills automatically think it means the op is calling the person stupid.
38. Klingon - Any language that is not English, Spanish or German.
39. Ninja - The highest rank of badass there is. ASP ninjas are living and breathing magic wands, they just *will* code and it shows up. For a great introduction to ninjas, click here.
40. Bitch - From Chapelle’s show: you.
41. Bill Brasky - From a rare funny moment in Saturday Night Live. Bill Brasky is a son of a gun.
42. Praise Allah … - Usually means the op/regular is extremely happy that something worked out right. “… Praise Allah the most merciful for the gift of an additional 1GB DDR on dev server. Allah is most merciful of this insignificant programmer…”
43. Infidels - Anyone that makes a programmer’s life hell. Used in conjunction with meme: “May Allah the Great crush the Marketing Infidels with His Holy Fist of What the Fuck where they thinking??? Praise Allah…”
44. There is no [insert asp related issue here]! - Our little homage to the Iraqi Information Minister. “THERE IS NO -1 RECORDCOUNT. SADDAM’S INVINCIBLE CURSOR RETURNED THE PROPER RECORDCOUNT! -1 IS A LIE FROM THE IMPERIALIST INFIDEL PIGS…”
45. PLS HALP THX JIJI - Please help me, I am a dumbass llama and I am drowning on a glass of water because it I am genetically impaired from understanding the concepts of RTFM and GIS. One of the first instances of PLS HALP can be found here.
46. @google - Not a real meme but people still think we are full of shit when we use it. Yes, it is a damn Google “I feel lucky” bot.
47. The “lawsuit” - A llama asks a stupid question, and the op replies “sorry, can’t be done since Microsoft lost the lawsuit. You need to but a third party service pack in order to do that …” It preys on the public’s prejudice on Microsoft, so no lawsuit against Microsoft will ever sound unrealistic.

If we have missed a meme please add it to the comments.