$52 and that’s my final offer

Thanks to @Pytte for showing me this.

Pushing paper fail

Image via Wikipedia

I just wrapped up a clerical nightmare that took over four months to sort out. Here’s some background information:

1. People born in the US Commonwealth of Puerto Rico (like myself and my wife) are born United States citizens. We are required to have a Social Security number, we pay taxes, etc.
2. Travel between Puerto Rico and any other US state of possession is no different than travel between say, Virginia and Maryland. The only real issues are things like US Department of Agriculture restrictions on things that can be brought into the Continental US like certain agricultural products.
3. Many states have implemented citizenship checks at the time of issuing IDs and driver licenses. This is no different than the US requiring proof of citizenship before issuing a passport.

Now here comes the fun part:

The Commonwealth of Puerto Rico was pressured into voiding any birth certificates issued before October of this year. If you hold a birth certificate issued anywhere in Puerto Rico with the old style used before October 2010, then the Commonwealth can’t certify that it is legitimate because of its obsolete watermarking, seals, etc. This means for example that the People’s Republic of Virginia would not take my pristine, kept in the safe, birth certificate that they issued me back in the 1990s in order to renew my driver’s license. At least after September 30, 2010.

This of course flared my paranoia, so as soon as I heard about this back in May I immediately placed an order for two copies of my birth certificate, two copies of Ivette’s.

Then the wait started.

By August I was starting to freak out. And still, no birth certificates. I asked around and heard that the whole thing had turned into a huge mess, seems everyone *cough* asked for certificates at the same time, instead of *cough* only the people that *cough* really needed one. I went back to pr.gov and checked on the status of my two orders: both were hung because they were missing proof of ID.

I resubmitted the IDs, then noticed that the Commonwealth had added expedited service through a company called VitalCheck. Since by then I was freaking out, I ordered two more certificates for myself, two for Ivette at a very horrible markup.

Then more waiting. And no certificates from either source.

By late August I said to hell with it. My driver’s license would need to be renewed in early 2011, so I would need my proof of citizenship before Ivette needs hers. And I still had a 100% legitimate birth certificate in my hands, which was good until at least September 30. I ran to the post office and requested a US passport, something I have had procrastinated for over a decade.

Now it becomes infuriating: it took me 5 minutes or so to fill my application online, another minute to print it at home and maybe half an hour waiting in line to submit the application and take my two pictures. The clerk was extremely understanding, and I was not the only one rushing to get a passport done before the certificates expired. And less than one fucking month after I filed for it, I had both the passport and passport card.

And still, no birth certificates. It is absolutely unbelievable that it is easier to get a US passport done, without paying one cent for expedited service, than it is to get copies of birth certificates from Puerto Rico. Un-fucking-believable.

Since I had my passport done, I stopped worrying about it. Virginia will take a US passport as proof of citizenship, but I was still really annoyed at all of the money I wasted ordering certificates I never received. I was *this* close to calling my credit card company and contesting the four orders (two original certificate orders, two VitalCheck orders) when the VitalCheck orders arrived in the mail today. It took VitalCheck close to two months to generate four sheets of paper on pretty paper, unique serial numbers and watermarks.

And I am still waiting for my original two orders from back in frickin June!

Unbelievable in this day and age that it would take a US possession over five fucking months to print out four sheets of paper. And worse, I knew the folio addresses (the actual physical locations of the records) for both Ivette and myself, so it is not like they would need to research the location of our original birth records. with these folio addresses they could look up either of us on the spot. But no, there is no choice to request it by folio number, because that would be too easy.

UPDATE

Here’s some more food for thought:

Ivette’s friend asked her sister to go to the records office in Puerto Rico to request hers in person. The sister has three kids, since she needed fresh copies for her three kids she thought she could simply walk in and order these plus one for her sister. She had to go to the records office at 5:00 AM and was the 60th person in line. The records officer did not accept the request letter because the wording was wrong, then they told her she could only request two certificates in one transaction, which meant she would need to wait until 5:00 AM the next day to stand in line just to request the certificate for kid #3.

Related articles

• Puerto Ricans can use birth certificates 1 more month before they're voided under security law (foxnews.com)
• Puerto Rican Troops Need New Birth Certificates (vamortgagecenter.com)
• Katy S: Ohio restricting Puerto Rican birth certificates - Yahoo! News (news.yahoo.com)
• PennDOT Announces Latest Change in Accepting Puerto Rican-Issued Birth Certificates as Credentials for Driver's Licenses/ID Cards (prnewswire.com)
• Puerto Rico birth certificates soon not accepted at Motor Vehicle Commission (nj.com)
• PR extends deadline for voiding birth certificates (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• Identity Thieves Target Puerto Ricans (identitytheftprotection.net)
• PR extends deadline for voiding birth certificates (sfgate.com)

ISO: medium to senior level Web Applications Developers, DC region and/or telecommuting

My employer, who runs the most kickass, greatest little web shop in the DC Metro area, is now looking for one or more programmers to add to our band of misfits. This is a permanent, full-time (not contract) position. The company is based in the DC metro area with locations in Old Town Alexandria, Fairfax, Reston, Baltimore and the Maryland backwoods where the Blair Witch is rumored to still be roaming about.

What we want:

1. “Programmers” that grok programming, not somebody that is proficient in one language and can’t deal with anything else.
2. Our weapon of choice is ASP.net. This is not a requirement for hire, but you must learn it in a reasonable time. Our last hire walked in with solid programming experience and literally zero knowledge of .net, and he had no trouble whatsoever picking it up (it was actually a bit scary how fast he learned it).
3. We are all proficient in generic (ANSI) SQL, not specialized in one given flavor. We want people that understand SQL well enough to switch between products with minor adjustments. The idea here is that a programmer needs to understand relational databases, and he/she must really understand ANSI SQL as a language instead of only knowing enough SQL to survive in SQL Server or Oracle.
4. Troubleshooting skills are critical, there is no way around this. If you can’t troubleshoot, we don’t want you.
5. Communication skills are critical. Our programmers deal with customers directly, and can’t afford to fall back on the project manager. We ride the phones a lot, it is a reality of life for our line of business. If you are the kind that doesn’t like to talk on the phone or that can’t write coherent emails, please don’t bother.
6. 99% of the programming that we do requires a high degree of autonomy with very little supervision. Our ideal programmers understands how to fill-in the blanks from general guidelines. If you need every deliverable broken into 20 bullet points stating every little thing, this is not the kind of job for you.
7. We are BUSY and we frown on clock punchers. Our boss has a really simple way to deal with grumpy overworked programmers: he throws money at us until we shut up. Expect to work like hell and be rewarded handsomely for it. To offset this, we have a really kickass flex schedule which relies heavily on our ability to operate autonomously.
8. We are process-oriented to a fault, which is one of the reasons why we are so popular with our customers. What to an outsider looks like an infuriatingly detailed process/plan/etc. is a carefully crafted masterpiece that is the product of our combined skills and experience dealing with that situation in particular. Chaotic people that like to run around like chickens with their heads cut off don’t need to apply.
9. We pride ourselves in our ability to overcome any technical hurdle. Our customers keep coming back to us because instead of saying that something cannot be done, we are ready and able to offer them multiple alternative approaches.
10. Individuals that show initiative and an autonomous streak while keeping in mind the big picture. Notice how I keep saying autonomous instead of independent. The idea is not to let one programmer carry a project alone, but it is important to let the programmer know that micromanagement will not be tolerated.

What you get:

1. Challenging work. We will give you migraines from the puzzles that you have to deal with.
2. We are busy in the middle of a recession. While others don’t know where the next project is coming from, we are always wondering how we are going to fit one more project.
3. We have a very tight technical team, and our management speaks geek. The good news is this means that management usually understands whatever technical approach you are trying to pitch. The bad news is that it is almost impossible to get away with a bluff on technical merits.
4. Very competitive compensation, including quarterly bonuses paid based on billable work (the more you bill, the bigger the bonus), not on performance appraisals that are adjusted against a Bell curve behind your back.
5. The usual health, etc. that everyone else gets.
6. 100% telecommuting. Right now we are scattered over the mid Atlantic states. We have had employees on both coasts, basically it all depends on your specific workload. The company provides laptop, VoIP phone, company card, etc.
7. Flexible scheduling. Again, this depends on specific workload.

How the interviewing process works:

1. You will send me or one of my peers your resume/CV and cover letter.
2. ???
3. PROFIT

If you are interested, please send me your resume and cover letter and we’ll take it from there. Principals only, please.